Once I started doing my research for vbac I realized that I would have a few more challenges than a lot of moms. I was not only a vaginal birth after 2 cesareans, (vba2c) but also due to my sons position I had what is known as a special scar. Rather than a low transverse incision, the typical for moms I have what I understand to be an upright T incision. JC's head was wedged in good enough that my doctor told me she had to cut down to get him out.
I wasn't sure where to start, I talked with a few friends and learnt about ICAN and also learned about a group called Special Scars, Special Women. I found both groups online and started reading all the stories I could. Everyone said your first step was getting you medical records to see exactly how things happened, especially with my first birth. After I finally decided to call the hospital and see about getting them I picked them up and went home thinking that it would be easy to just set down and read them. Of course some of the medical lingo I didn't think I would know, but most of it would make since. I didn't even get to the surgical part of JC's birth before I was in tears, I felt like a failure; how did this happen, everything was progressing SO well. So many stories I had read started with 30+ hours of labor, moms getting to the hospital at 2cm dilated, and contractions 5 minutes apart! I DIDN'T I was 6 cm dilated and my contractions were under 2 minutes apart! Yes maybe I hadn't planned a natural birth, which unfortunately lots of moms had, but I had done so much of this on my own! In under 4 hours at the hospital I was fully dilated and ready to push, that wasn't my problem I progressed great! JC handled the labor great, he wasn't having any decelerations he didn't need to get out. My body didn't fail me, but something did fail, somehow I did fail; my body failed I couldn't do this.
Katie's report was much more traditional to read, but left me feeling empty. I didn't understand how something that went so well, as far as cesarean sections are concerned, could leave such a hurt. I felt true birth trauma, but I picked this. After reading over both of the reports I knew that I was more prepared to start down this path.
Shortly after this point I knew I was going to be seeing our family doctor, who had delivered both John and Katherine, and would be telling her my plan to vbac any future babies. I knew this wouldn't be easy as she was not vbac supportive, and I really liked her as a doctor so needing to find someone else to be with me for a pregnancy wasn't something I wanted to do. When I started talking to her she told me that as a practice they were going to no longer be doing ob care and focus just on family practice. This was so great to hear, it took a funny weight off of my shoulders, I was going to have to find a new ob anyway; a funny weight was lifted. It was a huge conformation I was doing the right thing! It was now either find someone that I wanted to slice me open, or find the support of a doctor to deliver a baby.
So now the research really needed to begin. I started reading about vbac, and natural birth. I wanted to know that others had done this and been successful, and found SO SO many that were. I also read the bad and scary as I didn't want to be blind to it, you can find the bad, which is sad and horrible; however most of these cases were either before labor ever started and completely unavoidable or cases where induction and/or pain medication was used. Women had delivered naturally for years, I could also, right? So many friends had said they were going to do natural childbirth then got the epidural, and felt bad about it, so I had always said that I would just get the epidural when it got to intense. This was going to take me changing my way of thinking, but I was up for it.
Salem hospital had just started offering vbac's and they were having good success, so I was considering looking for a doctor out of this hospital, and also several hospitals in Portland are vbac friendly and have known success but I didn't know if I wanted to drive that far for every appointment, and in labor. I then really considered finding a midwife and just doing a home birth, but decided for both John and I this may not be the best option just in case of complications and I did need surgery in a hurry. In December 2011 there was a showing of "Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin & the Farm Midwives" at Salem Library; a friend and I decided it would be fun to go, as she was preparing for a natural childbirth as well. Here I met Desiree who I started asking about vbac and what my chances may be of finding someone who would support me if I were to have one. She was passionate about vbac and felt that it would be something I could do with the right team, I got her information and held onto it. In that short 10 minutes, that I am sure she doesn't remember until she reads this, I felt like I might have a real chance at this. I continued going to ICAN and reading everything that I could; to the point I started thinking of becoming a doula. I knew that birth was something that I was quickly becoming passionate about, and I wanted to help other moms avoid what I had gone thru.
John wasn't sure he wanted me to vbac and was really concerned about risks involved, but was willing to learn more as he could tell how important to me this was. Then in June 2013 he agreed to go with me to meet with Desiree about doing dual care and having her doula for me at the hospital with an ob, and her doing my prenatal care. Another mom in my ICAN group had just done this and had a very successful vbac at the hospital, we were not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon, however I wanted to know that I could get support or I would seriously reconsider having more children. We left the meet and greet feeling awesome! Desiree was amazing and said that she would be more than willing to assist at a hospital birth, and that the ob she worked with was great and would most likely be supportive and not have any issues seeing me.
Well God works in amazing ways, July 5th (John's birthday) we found out that we were pregnant. I was in shock, this was not what we wanted, we were not in a situation where we felt we could easily have more kids, but knew that this was God's will and looked forward to our journey that laid ahead.
